Friday, June 27, 2008

خناقة التكييف

We fight all the time me and my 2 sisters. They are almost all trivial fights that can grow ugly. We never had heart-breaking fights, no major conflicts,and we had never been on non-speaking terms for more than 1 day. But we constantly have repetitive fights. Their intensity is dependent on many factors that are all out of the scope of this post (ma3lesh ana ba2aly fatra bakteb research papers, fal kalam too-formal 3ala el mawdoo3, bass eedy hatfok kaman shwaya).

The fights are quite funny when seen from the eyes of the outsider. Full of surreality, over-reacting and alsh. I don't quite know how we resolve them every time. But I guess we didn't. That is why we keep having the same fights over and over again.

We have this fight that I consider to be "generic", or rather representitive for all other fights. And that is خناقة التكييف

Okay(Quoting dee, when starting a new illustrative topic). You know how some people tend to feel cold than usual and others feel hot than usual? Well that is the main problem. My youngest sister, niveen, feels that the heat is unbearable. I, on the other hand, am very tolerant to heat, unless it is of course suffocating. So, and you might find this strange, I prefer to be حرانة than بردانة.
Also to my argument, takeef el ooda sootoh 3aly awy awy awy.I always feel that someone would be calling and I won't hear them. And it is also not installed properly so it mildly vibrates the near by window, which gives the effect of an earthquake.
Cherry is neutral. But the implicit rule in sister's fight is: If you are neutral then your job is to get on one of the quarrelling members nerves. In other words, a fight-catalyst. (mesh 3arfa ana bakteb kalam kebeer awy keda leeh, 7assah enny hakteb "conclusion" fel a7'er.)
So everyday, we have the same dialog at some point of the day:

Niveen: gjoe, efta7y el takeef law sama7ty.
Me(Staring at laptop non-responsive):..
Niveen: gjoe..GJOE!
Me: Na3am ya vonna 3ayza eh?
Me(responding slowly):tab kaman 5 da2aye2.
Niveen: la2 efta7eeh delwa2ty..ana kont fat7aah wenty afalteeh.
Me: Aywa 3ashan kont bardana
Niveen: wana 7arrana 7'alas mesh el araf dah..
Me(non-responsive, probably reading a blog):..
Niveen: GIHAN!(yes, calling me in my first name, which is very threatening) EFTA7y el TAKEEF LAW SAMA7TY..
Me: Betza3a2y leeh..otloby el 7aga be 2osloob 3edel..
Niveen: ya salaaam! mana talabataha be 2osloob 3edel w marradeesh 3allaya..
Me: la2 oltelek estany 5 da2aye2..mesh 3ayza a2adeeha 7'ena2.
Niveen: gihan ana 7arrana!
Me: tab estany shwaya ya vonna begad..ana bab2a a3da ta7t el takeef 3ala tool w battaleg fe sa3etaha..awel lamma 7arrana hafta7oh.
Niveen: NA3AM! ya3ny kaman sana isA..gihan efta7y el takeef..
Me(in a cold tone): tab ta3aly efta7eeh enty.
Niveen: la2a.
Me: 7'alas..elly 3ayez 7aga ye3mlha..wana mesh 3ayza afta7 el takeef..
Niveen: enty bet3'allsy leeh?
Me: wenty mekkasela leeh te2oomy tefta7y el takeef?
Niveen: 3ashan enty orayeba mennoh..
Me: manty orayeba bardo
Niveen: bss enty a2rab..
Me: mesh far2a, enty elly 3ayza tefta7eeh..
Niveen: ya gihan ba2a!
Me(no response):
Niveen: gihan
Niveen: gihan..
Me: 3ayza eh?
Niveen: 3addet el 7'amas da2aye2..

So I open el takeef.
2 minutes later I close it again.
Niveen: eeeeeeeh! afalteeh leeh!!
Me: vonna, begad sootoh 3aly awy w bey7asesny enn feeh zelzal..
Niveen: ana 3omry mashoft 7add bey7'af men soot el takeef..
Me: Niveen begad 3ayza arrakez..heya 10 da2aye2 w hasblek el ooda..
Niveen: la2, eft7aeeh delwa2ty.
Me: Mesh haynfa3 3ashan ana lessa aflaah

(Cherry walks in)
Niveen: cherry, o7'tek mesh 3ayza tefta7 el takeef.
Cherry the catalyst: efta7y el takeef ya gjoe.
Me: cherry, begad beytalegny w sootoh 3aly..wana oltelaha kaman 10 da2aye2.
Niveen(talking to cherry): 3arfa fata7etoh men de2eteen bezzabt w afaletoh tany 3ala tool..
Cherry: gjoe, efta7y el takeef ya3ny 7aram 3aleeky el bent.
Me: cherry oltelha kaman 10 da2aye2 w hamshy..w kaman heya a3da mesh bet3mel 7aga..moken te2ra harry potter fe ayy 7etta tanya
Niveen: la2 ana 3ayza a2ra hena ba2a..
Me: aaah! borg el toor eshta3'al ba2a..
Niveen: ana 7orra..
Me: tayeb, yeb2a osbory kaman 5 da2aye2..
Niveen: aah, 3ashan te2feleeh ba3deeha be 30 sanya

Tab3an this convorsation is endless..Someone ends up freezing or melting. Or it is more like, someone walks out steaming from the room.Only to come back after a while and the fight re-begins.

And no, I am not afraid from soot el takeef. It is just annoying. Too annoying for me that makes me prefer the heat of June.

As a conclusion, we can all see that sisterly fights are an inevitable daily drama that you just have to live with. But they are above all silly, mostly with no right-and-wrong debates and fun to blog about.


zekry said...

besar7a b2a ana m3a vonna fel debate da ma dam enty mesh 3ayza el takyeef roo7y 2oda tanya w khaleeha heya to23od w tefta7 el takyeef el 3a2l wel mantk by2olo keda
i know en da hay3sbak 3shan 7ewar el guys attitude ely 2oltely 3aleeh 2day :P

Ahmed Barakat said...

"Powerfull people take actions not just words". That being said and assuming I was in your shoes, I 'd do the following:

I 'll open the AC for her, wait 20 seconds and then start a series of ALL THE THINGS MY SISTER hates :P

Of course after that she will have two options:
1 - Live without an AC and enjoy PEACE !
2 - Enjoy the AC and live in HELL (where an AC is of no use).

(so I re-read what I am saying and I am starting to have second thoughts about my attiude !)

gjoe said...

Zekry: Well, the problem is, our DSL cable is short and there is only one place where I can be connected to the internet and that is on the desk just under the AC. I have no other options. And lamma el wireless beylo2t baroo7 a3od fel matba7' mesh far2a ma3aay. She on the other hand has AC in every other room of the house! Bass tab3an hattala3ny ana el 3'altana men 3'eer mate3raf the whole situation. (Typical) :P

Barakat: That is more of my sister's attitude. She asks me to do something and if I don't I MUST set a punishment for myself for not doing it!

Bass you guys missed the fun of the 7'ena2a trying to analyze and take sides! :D

m@hdeTo said...

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool !
I can reflect on the concept !

eeh mawdoo3 el khna2a dah ?

jessyz said...

I am so glad I only have one sister. And that it is my mother who can't stand the heat :-) and she has veto rights over the AC so my sister ends up cold or wearing a jacket.

Sama said...

Hi Gjoe,

Honestly i think u r being stubborn more than u r really feeling cold :) , if the AC gets u really cold , grab a jacket or somerthing and warm urself up , coldness can be beaten , heat not :D

gjoe said...

Jessyz: Hehe lucky you! I bet you fight with your sister about other stuff though! ;)

Sama: Of course I am being stubborn! mesh shayfa el conversation taweel add eh! I am being stubborn and non-sympathetic kaman..bass it has nothing to do with the cold. I do grab a jacket when she swears not to close the AC..I just HATE it's motor-like have to be there to know what I mean. walla a2ollek, Rabbena yekfeeky sharroh!

Amy said...

that was hiiiiilaaaarious!
ana 3ammala ad7ak zai el habla fel maktab :D
so realistic & illustrative of how silly ALL fights are really, e7na keda ya bane2admeen... benetlakek :p

gjoe said...

Amy: Thanks Amy for not trying to take sides :D you actually found the fun of it..which makes you in the "silly gang"..LOL!

Anonymous said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah enti 3amla zy my sister yasmin..i swear am going to kill you alllllllllllllllllllllllll

we are three sisters and we have the same always 7arrana and yasmin is always always bardana .. btnymni w t2flo ell2eema.. fa as7a w howa byt2fl..fa astna ama tnam w aft7o tani..ns7a f wust el liel week week week ns7y habiba o7'tna eltalta ely ya emma btboz elstruggle bd7k hystery..ya emma ta7'od elm7'da w tetl3 ya emma tz3a2 feena e7na eletnen fa nskot w n3ml nfsna naymeen w yb2a elsneaking b2a..ely ynam fel a7'er b2a howa elhyksb :D