Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The Rules of Fake Dieting

Diet is simple logic:( Daily Calorie Intake< Daily Calories Burned)= Loss in Weight. We all know this fact. And anyone who went on a diet would know how it feels to count the calories, and get on everyone's nerves but mostly yourself.

You know those Diets that are DOA? The ones which you give in at the sight of the first temptation? These are the funniest diets I believe. They are attempts if you must say, but they are still diets..because you are still counting and keeping track of what you are eating, but you are missing the part where you actually have to eat less.

So, with the help of family, friends and experience, I have developed certain rules for fake dieting. Rules that justify why we are not dieting as we should.Rules that guide you to know exactly what to count and what to,you know, intentionally ignore..and have a good reason for it while doing so. =)

The rules are:

1- If you are eating and nobody is watching,it doesn't count.
2- If you are not paying,it doesn't count.(agblek shokalata?)
3- If you are eating off your friend's plate, it doesn't count.(Wareeny adoo2 dah keda)
4- If you don't know the exact ingredients of the meal, it doesn't count.
5- If you are eating something for the first time, it doesn't count.(Esmoh eh olteely?)
6- Ice-cream in winter doesn't count.
7- If you are eating directly off the fridge, it doesn't count.
8- If you are eating standing up, it doesn't count.
9- If it is a drink, it doesn't count.(I'll have this mocha to-go law sama7t)
10-If you don't like the taste of what you are eating, it doesn't count.
11- If you are eating in the car it doesn't count.
12- If someone 7elef 3aleek yemeen tala2 la takol, it doesn't count.
13- Deliveries leftovers that are cold and already lost their taste don't count (Ana feteret ba2eet el McRoyal elly kaltooh embare7 w kasselt assa7'anoh)
14- If you are eating when you are really really really angry, it doesn't count. ( Dah EH EL ARAF DAH..ENTY 3'AWYA MASHAKEL W 7'ALAS!! NAWLEENY EL KATCHAB.)


Now that the rules are set..you have no excuse to be on a diet for a lifetime.


P.S: I read this in Cilantro's mag: Banging your head on the wall for an half-hour burns 150 calories..

5 comments:

Cesario said...

So true :D
Hilarious!!

gjoe said...

I remember making some of these up together ya sina :)

M@hdeTo said...

15- if someone teased you with something really tasty, it doesn't count ! (mesh asdee ana asef mesh ha3ml feek keda tanee, tab seblee atma 7atta)

Mayo said...

Gjoe, I love it, I just love it. You are so funny.
But dear, you forgot Ramadan, the two bairams, Easter, 3ashoura, family gatherings, and all other food related celebration.
Ya3ny manakolsh ka7k fel3eed? Ya3ny gat 3ala elnaharda. Khalas ya sety koly di wa ebda2y el regime men bokra

gjoe said...

Mahdeto & Mayo:

Thanks alot my fellow fake-dieters, for your added rules are much appreciated.