How to master procrastination?

Procrastination can affect every part of your life. It adds spice and challenge.It turns everything into an ordeal..

It is also a great way to piss people around you off. It puzzles them, specifically when you end up doing fine. It is a trait that beholders should proudly..(i'll complete next time)

I have to confess. I AM a procrastinator. A proffessional one. I get things done. but only when its last minute before its too late. I get on my nerves many many times.I tried to stop myself from this self-destructive behaviour. But I always procrastinate in that too..

I think it is time to share my talents..maybe you share some of these..or maybe you would learn from others..
1- Have a to do list: Okay, procrastination doesnt mean that you dont know what you have to do..that is a great misconception. If you dont know what you have to do..how will you manage when to procastinate what? you always have to know whachya gotta do..Just dont do it (yet).

2- Don't carry a watch: Not just that, but always ask abruptly about the time. What time is it now? OMG am running late..Carrying a watch would automatically deprive you from the right that you dont know exactly how much time you have got left, which typically means..there is much time left.

3- Dramatize: This is fun. complaining about the amount of work you have to do, and how little time you have left is always a great game to play. People sympathize everytime. People start to help. Not only that, it gives you even more time to waste.Keywords to use: Crisis, Ma2saah, enyahar, ed3eely, mesh hal7a2, tremendous, too much, too little, and the like :)

4- Remember the things you WANT to do: when there are things that you NEED to do..This is a typical me: Sitting online wanting to finish a certain research...hmm let's check facebook first, then google reader, then some blogs ofcourse, emailing an old friend, browsing flicr,then suddenly am reading through wikipedia, not to finish down my researchm but to look up some scientific concept like the six degrees of seperation, or maybe reading through a script of a movie i used to like, then searching for this part on youtube, then googling the cast..then what did i want to do? aaah the research..okay..what was it about..hmmm data warehousing..that needs some brains..I need to get myself a cup of coffee first..I can go on forever..bottom line: I do the research next day.

5- Organize: This is a great time waster. You have to finish some bills..You open your drawers then you realize that they need some tidying up.You can't work like this..You have to clean up that mess.After probably one hour of tidying up the drawers, color coding and categorizing every paper (procrastinators are also perfectionists), you get really excited and start with your wardrobe.

6- Now is the time: this is the toughest thing in procrastination: Deciding the exact time when to stop it. when exactly do you start studying for the exam? the previous day? the previous afternoon? or the previous night? When do you actually go prepare the presentation you have to do? On the weekend? or in the car on your way to work? I can't answer this question..But the moment you think it is physically impossible to finish what you have got to do in the amount of time given, then start doing it ;).

7- What's the worst that could happen?: you have something you gotta do and you really dont feel like it.so what? If your life is not at stake, then it is not really important now.

8- Getting it done: okay, you have wasted all the amount of time there is that you can waste. You have 10 minutes left to do the work that should typically take an hour. The keyword here is "focus". Remember that you procrastinate for one thing..the challenge..so you have to keep reminding yourself that "i can do this" in the last minute(s). I mean how many bombs in movies were deactivated in literally the last seconds just because the so called hero was procrastinating all the time..I mean if he can do it..so can you...

9-Congrats: you did it! you finished what you had to do..whether it was sloppy or not, you did it :).You have to congrat your self and treat yourself a nice movie/meal/outing

10- The little things: I almost forgot to tell you how much it is important to waste your time doing the little things first..a phone call, grabbing something to eat, checking your mail, reading the newspaper, deciding what to do first,replanning, picking a new look, writing a list of a movie you would like to watch, actually downloading the movie..they work like magic..

P.S: This was written the night before my certifiaction exam(3 weeks ago), and was kept as a draft because i kept procrastinating proof-reading it.

Tackling Soccer.

Deep Breath. I have really mixed feelings towards soccer. I like the game, but I think it's overrated. I consider myself to be ahlawya and at the same time I have minimal information about the players. But what dazzles me the most is how phenomenal it is. People get really fanatic about soccer. That's the part I don't get. It is a game after all. Games are supposed to be fun, and if your team is losing, you shouldn't really get THAT upset. Of course you might accuse me of being an ahlawaya and we haven't lost that much recently. But again the fact still holds itself. It's a damn game.

Here are some points I just want to spill out concerning soccer, they are unrelated and have almost nothing in common except that they are all about, well, soccer! Here it goes:

1- My father hates it when there is an Ahly Vs. 3afreet azra2 is playing. We live on a street where it turns into a celebration playground every time ElAhly wins (which of course is frequent). You have to hear him say " Ya Rab el Ahly ye7'sar" every time. When I ask him "mesh ento konto bet3meloh keda zaman?" He says "Aywa, and it was stupid..people should grow out of it".

2- Whenever I get the slightest chance of watching games in other leagues: English, Italian or whatever, I feel how pathetic we play. Watching Egyptian soccer players and comparing them to those guys gives you much more than hint why are we still "ma7allak serr".
They play with passion for goodness sake, they are professional and they are always after the ball until the last possible chance. They don't give up any ball. If it bounces back, they try again and again. They have no problem "yer2assoh el koora" on the verge of the playground. Minimal lost chances. They really put their best. They know what "team spirit" is all about. Maybe they hate each other we never know. They are professional enough to play "together".

When you watch an Egyptian match, you feel that the players are running "bel3afya".Ma7adesh taye2 nafsoh. Shadd w za2 w fouls lel sob7. Players are generally fighting not playing. Every one wants to run with the ball as long as possible wala ka2enno captain maged. And when anything goes wrong, there is always the coach to blame.

3- Why the exaggeration? whether a team lost or won. There is always an exaggeration in the display of emotions. I truly believe that people are very desperate that they just want to enjoy even the slightest victories. Even if it's a trivial football match. They want to feel any kind of triumph, achievement and power. Bass deh teb2a moseeba! I mean if the whole country(with all its classes, backgrounds and differences)has nothing to celebrate except a football match, something is definitely wrong. No, everything is wrong. Isn't there anything more important or precious in these people's lives that they can celebrate or grief together? Nothing to unite the people except "mont7'abna el watany"? Okay, it's a nice notion that sports in general unite people and all that, But still. It shouldnt be the ONE & ONLY thing that get people EXTREMELY happy or EXTREMELY sad.

4- There is something I don't get at all. Maybe its a "guy thing" but I just can't get it. The TV shows talking about a soccer game or player or whatever. They talk about the most trivial things in the the most serious tones and attitudes. Why do people care whether this guy or another didn't like the defense tactics of the team? I watched the match. I can tell for myself. Who cares what does he expect to happen in the 2nd half? Why is it important? Why there is a huge base of audience of these shows I really can't understand! Allak el koora ma3 dream.

5- w a7ebb fel a7'er a2ool alf alf alf mabrook le Kaka w Messi w Ronaldo 3ala el laqab el sanady, w dayman keda ya Rab raf3een rass el 3alam el talet. 3o2bal keda 7add men 3andena.. 7'ally el nass tefra7!

راح العيد أهو راح العيد

Call me a kid, but Eid for me is a "festive" event. I have to go buy something new(inshallah 7atta gazma), I have to go to a new place or a long-not-visited place,I have to be in a good mood and hang out with people that i like. Mel a7'er, I have to celebrate and have fun.

This Eid was very strange. It wasn't strange, it was depressing. The happiest day was yoom el wa2fa and then everything was awkward. It was very routine like,I was very much disappointed in many major and minor occasions. I was disillusioned ( a topic needing a post on its own) , and it was what you can call "pathetic".

And even the brief moments in which I was happy and content,SOMETHING/ONE has to come up and just spoil it for me! A lousy waiter, unwanted guests, too many fake smiles, phony conversations, de-motivation, a canceled outing,the weirdest feeling of wanting to die ,a fight,a sugarless cup of mint, waking up at 6 am with a headache, mayya ma2too3a w 3andena el unwanted guests, a teenage sister..etc.

I just felt like I was trying too hard to be happy with minimal success. I did have happy moments. I mean I did buy something new and went to a long-not-visited-place (I wasnt going out that much before anyway) , but then Dammit!

Then there is the guilty feeling which makes everything worse. I felt guilty for not being grateful for even the brief moments I felt happiness or joy. Which is simply put: I feel down for not being happy and I feel guilty for being down for not being happy. Perfect mood fel Eid essara7a!

At the back of my mind, anytime I feel down, depressed or simply not in the mood, the inner voice suddenly is heard " ya sheee7'a e7mdy Rabbena, feeh 3'erek mesh la2y yaakol aslan".
This inner voice (I'll call him Sayed), just comes ANY TIME I feel blue. mabalko ba2a fel 3eed.
Whenever I feel that there is no real justification for being blue and that I am just exaggerating, I feel even more upset and angry at myself.I just Hate Sayed! Can you feel the negative vibe of this post?

So overall, I pretended to be happy most of the time. Now I am about 1 week away from my premasters finals and I didnt feel like I got the break that I wanted. No, the break that I "needed". I feel the utmost feeling of carelessness.



P.S: I just discovered that " el mogamlat el egtma3ya" is one of the most tiresome exercises ever( At least they are for me, as far as I am concerned). I can't take them and I can't pretend that to be smiling for more than 2 seconds.Which is rude. But then, what the heck.


Happy Thought: The best thing about this Eid is that its over!I dont have to pretend that I am happy anymore!

Enlightening ُ

عند الإمام أحمد عن صهيب رضي الله عنه قال : بينا رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قاعد مع أصحابه إذ ضحك ، فقال : ألا تسألوني مم أضحك ؟ قالوا : يا رسول الله ومم تضحك ؟ قال : عجبت لأمر المؤمن إن أمره كله خير ؛ إن أصابه ما يحب حمد الله ، وكان له خير ، وإن أصابه ما يكره فَصَبَر كان له خير ، وليس كل أحد أمره كله له خير إلا المؤمن

رواه مسلم

: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم

"من بات وهو آمن في سربه، معافىً في بدنه، عنده قوت يومه وليلته، فكأنما حيزت له الدنيا بحذافيرها"

رواه الترمذي

عن أبي العباس عبد الله بن عباس رضي الله عنهما قال:"كنت خلف النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يوماً، فقال لي:
" يا غلام إني أعلمك كلمات: احفظ الله يحفظ، احفظ الله تجده تجاهك، إذا سألت فأسأل الله، وإذا استعنت فاستعن بالله؛ واعلم أن الأمة لو اجتمعت على أن ينفعوك بشيء، لم ينفعوك إلا بشيء قد كتبه الله لك، وإن اجتمعوا على أن يضروك بشيء، لم يضروك بشيء قد كتبه الله عليك، رفعت الأقلام وجفت الصحف".

رواه الترمذي

Stating The Obvious

Personality Tests. I have taken tens of those..how much you are in control of your life? What Kind of fruit are you?Are you sociable or introverted? Are you the comforting type? How well do you: save/organize/manage time? Are you left handed or right handed?
Do you like mornings better or late nights? Do you talk to much on the phone? Do you hate yourself? Are you sleeping enough?How do you like your eggs? Would you like fries with that Sir? Are you having a cold?

I have taken a lot of those tests, specially when I was a teenager and we thought it was cool to answer an MCQ and would be told what we are really made of.

The thing with personality tests is that they simply tell you about yourself what you already know.I mean what a surprise I turned to be a right-handed type of person after all! who would have guessed! I know how bad I am in managing my time, I know that I always work late at night, I know that I am sociable and definitly not the comforting type, am not having cold and I couldn't really see what does it mean by being an apple/strawberry/Kiwi type of person.

Personalty Tests Just State The Obvious.

Personality tests are very popular and are very overrated. I think people take them as to get a certain re-assurance or acknowledgment of who they are. They already know, but they like to be told. you spend about 5 minutes choosing what best fits you and then you get something like "You are the Hard worker", "In another life you were a butterfly, you are a free spirit", "If you were a Disney character you would probably be Belle from Beauty and the Beast (for female) and Eric from the little mermaid (for male)"..

As long as they are not upsetting you, personality tests are great..But there are many types of Personality Tests:

1- The analogy: Symbolizing your character with that of a cartoon, fruit, animal, TV show, movie, a season, a sitcom character ( I tied Chandler and Ross once),a comic character (Ranging from Garfield to DareDevil), you name it!
These are really just for the fun of it and should never be taken seriously.

In your free time do you:
a- Sit back watch TV and eat like Garfield
b- are always looking for love like Rachel/Ross in friends
c- read a lot of books in case you showed in Jeopardy or Who Wants To Be a Millionaire
d- have to be surrounded by a group like Dolphins

If you answered:
a, then if you were a comic character you would have been Garfield
b,then if you were a sitcom you would have been Rachel/Ross
c, then if you were a TV show you would have been Jeopardy
d, then if you were an animal, you would have been a dolphin


2- The Personality Trait: You answer a set of questions and then voila! You know exactly where on the spectrum do you belong. Are your actually spending too much or too little? How much time are you having for yourself? Just one personality trait that is questioned.The answers are usually collected in points and then you see to which category you belong to.The funny thing about this one is the way they put the answer. You know that If you answer a lot of Ds you are going to be a real spender, so you cheat! If you didn't cheat and had a lot of Ds then you know the answer before hand (the point of this post) and dont need to complete this survey anyways.

So answer me this: You are in a mall, Do you:
a- Just go window shopping, you do have the necessities
b- If you really like something, you will get it.
c- No harm in pampering oneself
d- Have taken a pledge of spending every penny before you set foot outside the mall
(ان شالله ما عن حد حوش )

well.. I think كل واحد عارف نفسه


3- The Personality Type: Now that is different than the one mentioned earlier.You get an answer as a whole portfolio of your character.Your deepest personality qualities and traits are exposed. You can turn out to be a real miser, into fashion, lonely or funny and didn't even know it (yeah right).
These are typically like the Zodiac signs description of the personality..
The funny part is. If people are divided into exactly a number X of personality types, wouldn't life have been much easier? You know a co-worker is Taurus, so you try to avoid arguing with him because it would just make things worse.
You know the person you love is a Libra, so you get them flowers because they are really romantic.
مكانش حد غلب

You are?
a- Tall
b- Short
c- Medium-height

If you answered a/b/c you are as follows (this is just to prove that i can write something that can almost fit everybody):

You are the Kind Person Type. You are funny, smart, sociable, you love to hang out with friends, you are hard worker when you are needed. You are a loyal friend. you get hurt if cheated/stabbed from the back and may not forget easily. People turn to you for advise in a lot of things because you are a great listener. Small things can get on your nerves. You hate traffic jams. You are courageous and you are not afraid to tell the truth if you are asked for it. Sometimes you like to be the center of attention and sometimes you like to be left alone.
You are very romantic but a lot of times work to hide it. You forget things easily, but not dates like bdays, anniversaries and national holidays.You are stubborn but caring. You are Loud but can be quiet and observing carefully. You are modest but full of pride..

Well what can I say..aren't we all !

I Need An Invention..

Need is supposed to be the mother of invention. I think that this is one of the most insightful phrases I have ever heard.The problem is, I have this urge (ba2aly fatra) of wanting to invent something new..I want to DO something NEW! I want to invent something, preferably computer/technology related.. Or maybe something that would change the lives of people that is simple and intuitive. I want to be an inventor:The lab, the explosives, the experiments, the excitement and everything that goes with it (even the crazy attitude)!
عايزة أخترع حاجة..


It all started when i began reading all these tech-related news in my Google Reader. I had feeds about Google, Microsoft, IBM,Oracle, AT&T, and all the gigantic organizations..they are all consumed with introducing something new almost on weekly basis.. then suddenly it hit me: I felt really distant from these companies. I envied them..why do they get to do all the interesting stuff and i am stuck here? Why can't we do something as big or as interesting or as useful? Why can't I think of something new and innovative?
This urge was triggered again this week..when attending this course where i had to learn about a certain software.The instructor kept saying things like " homma 3amleen kaza..el system bey2ddem kaza..w medeena el option dah.. w mesh masmoo7 a3mel keda.." meen homma dool? I mean who sets these rules? I want to have my own invention with its sets of rules too. why do i have just to "use" what others have made? Why can't I "make" something that others can use?


I know that "inventing" needs commitment, time, effort, management, dedication and a lot of money..but as they say, "if there is a will there is a way". Ironically, it has been translated to "ليس كل ما يتمناه المرء يدركه". I'll go with the English version.

Here is my naive plan:

• Work for 7-10 years
• Save salaries and think of an idea while am at it
• Quit work.
• Start implementing my idea with my funds. (for 7 years)
  
• Get bankrupt (in 2 years time)
  
• Ask family or friends for help
• Get drowned in debt ( for another 2 years)
  
• Glimpse of light
• Get Lucky
  
• People start adapting the idea(from 6-10 months)
  
• Boom: My dream comes true..
• I have a used invention :)
• I pay family and friends their money back
• Multimillionaire..(just enough for the couple of years I have left to spend it all)
• Rest In Peace

Sounds Perfect!

I Need to invent something.. I don't want to invent to get rich or famous (that would be nice of course) but I "need" to invent as in an instinctive necessity. I believe that a person's value is determined by how much change he introduces into the world. We merely exist on earth to make it a better place to live in and to have a "contribution" or what the Islamic perspective calls it "اعمار الارض". This idea, as much as it is inspiring, as much as it is frightening. The need to invent suddenly is changed into a "must". I must invent something..I must make a change. Everybody has to make a change..even an insignificant change, you can't just be a burden on everyone else.

I need an invention that would make my life an added value. I need an invention to feel that I have used all the brain power and senses that God has given me to the fullest. I need an invention to give others hope that change is possible. I need an invention..I think I will be obsessed by this idea for a while..until of course I actually invent something.

EL Feteer El Feteer El Feteer (Part II)

Scroll down to part I...

The next day, I arrived late (as usual) to find 3 of my co-workers already there. That's right. I found a big plastic bag which obviously contained the feteer. I did the usual morning greetings and sat down. I thought maybe she hasn't told them yet


H: gjoe, S gabet feteer ma3aha..
Me: Ah seme3t..(she told them then.)
H: tab olelha enny kont bahhazar..
Me: mana olt :)
S: fe eh ya gama3a eh el moshkela ya3ny lamma ageeb feteer? ana 3arfa ennaha 7aga 3'areeba w kol 7aga..bass 3ady ya3ny..
H: aywa ya S..bass mesh haynfa3 nakolha keda we7na aslan fe sherka mesh beta3etna..el nass hat2ool eh?
A: w 3ala fekra ana maba7ebsh el fteer..
S: na3am! tab eh ra2ayak ba2a ennak el wa7eed elly lazem takol..

They kept repeating themselves for 5 minutes.I didn't like where the conversation was going. I felt awkward that the girl brought the feteer and we had to eat it, and I also didn't feel it was polite that after she brought it people would have an eh-elly-enty-3amalteeh-dah attitude..So, i kinda kept quiet.

After a while things got really frozen. No winners.No Losers..I really didn't know whether we are going to ever eat that feteer after all. The girl stopped arguing and the guys stopped complaining. But still, S was immersed in the work she had to do, too immersed we knew that she was upset. She had every right. Still I didn't say a word.

After a while, S went to grab some coffee bayen, so i talked to H. I told him "berra7a 3aleeha shwaya..w mat3'lssh 3aleeha..heya 7'alas gabetoh..w shaylaah men el beet w beta3"
A: aah..w meen 3alem..dah moken tekoon ba3atet 7add men el balad ma7'sooos
Silence in the room with the thought in our heads

H:tab so2al ba2a..ya3ny heya altelek embare7?
Me: Ah..
H: tab ma2olteesh leh enn e7na konna benhazar..
Me: I did tab3an..bass heya kanet rakba dema3'aha..w ba3deen mafeesh moshkela awy ya3ny..
H: mafeesh moshekla ezzay bass..ana mest3'arab awy essara7a..
Me: ma3l..

S walked in..we all looked the other way, and whistled..

It was nearly three..
S( Finally ): 3ala fekra ana meday2a..

After we all thought it out, the shock was gone and we all felt guilty..
A: tab 7'alas ..mafeesh moshkela..tala3y el feteer :)
Me: 3ala fekra..aslan hena fel sho3'l beygeeboh delivery 3ady..zay ayy 7etta tanya.. fa mesh mawdoo3 awy ya3ny e7na benakol eh..7'alas ya benty talla3y el feteer..
S looked really cheered up and relieved.But..
S: ba3d eh ba2a..ba3d lamma el feteer bered 7'alass..
Me: ya benty 7'alas ma3lesh..hatla2eeh lessa so7'n shwaya..we7na hankloh hanakloh ya3ny mesh moshkela..

She went and got the feteer out from the "plastic bag". And put it on a plate that was far smaller than the feteer..So it started "fatwala" on the table..

A: eh dah eh dah eh dah (he really panicked).. el feteer mefatwel 3ala el tarabeza..hatooh 7aga ne7ottaha 3ala el tarabeeza 3ashan el fatwala deh..
So we "farashna" some A4 paper on the table over which the feteer just sat there waiting to be eaten.



We kept staring at the feteer and thinking "this is it". We are going to eat feteer meshaltet at work..this day has just came too soon..but actually it looked so delicious, i thought we were making such a big deal out of this whole issue.
Me: sa7ee7 ya S, howa enty gayba el feteer meneen?
S: 3ady ya3ny..gaybaah ma3aya..
Me: aywa ya3ny, olelna bass gaybaah men hena walla ba3tah 7add 3ashan ne3raf nakol add eh..
S: la2 gaybaah men hena..
Me: tab el7amdolellah!

The girl brought up a plate of cheese, so that we can eat it along with the feteer..

H: bet3mely eh ?!taweeeeh!!..e7na hankloh keda..matta3beesh nafsek..

And so we started eating, It was really delicious that every time I decide to finish up, i go and take another bite or so..

But the situation was all in all hilariously funny..I don't remember why were we laughing at, but i remember us telling S things like "teslam edeeky ya S..begad to7fa..bass mat3mlehash tany!"
And A was eating feteer that he didn't even like. Still, he ate the most! On the left you can see all the fatwala on the A4 paper..

I have to say.This was one of the best feteers I have ever tasted..I secretly thought of taking what was left "to go", but I wasn't sure if I can do that, so I kicked those silly ideas outta my head.


We finished up in haste so that we could just get it over with and of course we weren't sure whether our manager would come any minute..That would have been something! On a second thought, we would probably have said "etfaddal ma3ana..7amatak bet7ebbak!"

It passed safely el7amdolellah.We thanked S sincerely and went back to the work we had to do, relieved that it was over, and we got away with it. Ironically, that day S had a really upset stomach and wasn't able to eat anything the next day..

I have to mention that I really liked and respected S . I felt she was really kind-hearted to do such a thing. She did go through a lot to offer us a nice unforgettable meal. Now that the story is even posted, it is there for the record! God Bless Blogs!