Saturday, January 12, 2008

Down or Up?

I have been very mixed up lately. Relieved, Scared, Tired, Relaxed, Worried, Happy, Angry, Up and Down.. Its because of all the things happening at once!
And every time I am in a certain "frame of mind" or mood, I decide to blog about it and let it out. By the time I am almost done with the post, something happens and my mood is changed again. I have about 7 drafts and 1 deleted post in 3 days!

Last Sunday for example: I was studying for 12 hours straight,its 7 20 in the morning I just had a 1 hour quick nap and I still have alot to finish before my exam at 11 30. Suddenly, an earthquake hits. I was terribly confused. I was frightened of course, but 10 minutes after the quake was gone I felt that I was too busy to panic and started to study again. It usually takes me 10 days to fully recover from an earthquake.

Take for example today: I never saw my grandpa this sick in my whole entire life. I never saw him this fragile, weak cure-less and helpless. On another note, my cousin gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and named her Danya. How am I supposed to feel?I am confused. Crying seems tempting to me. But again I am too angry to cry( work related stuff).

In general, these days are extremely hard for me and my family. And you know how in hard times people show what they are really made of? I am discovering too many new traits in me and in my family members, I can't keep track.

I don't know how should I face hardships like grownups. I don't know how. I don't know what to think or what to say when things are awkward. I just freeze. I guess I am in the learning phase and I am trying to learn as much as possible from the given situation. But still I feel like wanting to be a little kid when no one is expecting anything from me. Is this cowardliness? I don't know I am still learning.

I can only ask God for help.


kinzi said...

Lord of all, Maker of heaven and earth, remind gjoe of Your amazing love and deep wells of compassion. Help him to bask in Your presence as he recounts the ways You have entered his life and shown yourself strong. Hold him when he needs to cry and strengthen him when he needs to stand. Bless this blogger, I pray...IJN, amen.

Hi gjoe, hope you don't mind my first visit to your blog to be a prayer. This post, and your tagline, made me feel comfortable to do so. Thanks for visiting my blog, too!

gjoe said...

Thanks Kinzi for Dropping by too!
and of course I dont mind your prayers :) I mean I need as many as I can get!!