Mood Swings

Recently i have to go through at least 4 moods per day..The happy-happy mood..the lazy mood, the back-OFF mood, and the :'(-waaaaa2 mood..

ofcourse, there are days when i go through the contemplating mood, the i-want-to-make-a-difference mood, the ast3'afaro-allah-el3azeem mood and many many others..

its beginning to get my nerves and im becoming less tolerant towards these mood fluctuations..let alone people who ask me all the time "malek fe eh"..and they usually get the answers "mafeesh 7aga" or "i have no idea" or just the "Offf"...and sometimes when am talkitive i go like "u know when kaza 7aga so3'ayara teb2a is making u sad..bass when u put them together, u get really angry?"(i discoverd that those "small things " are the most irritating things..because usually they are indicators of other "big things")

there are some answers i get from ppl that i hate when i actually go through the trouble of telling them what's wrong: "ana ba2a..." and they start talking abt how THIER lives and issues as if they are the most important things in life,and instead of leaving me alone now i have to be the comforting-listener and tell them that everything is going to be okay.

some times ppl go like "ya benty heya deh mashakel" or "fokkek" "ma3lesh".."kolloh bey3addy" ..bass the all-time-winner to piss me off is the "bass 3ala fekra enty lazem teshoofy 7all lel moshekla deh/"..ao "la2 7awly ya3ny te-zakry/teshta3'ly/matkleesh keteer/tennazmy wa2tek/mat7'deesh koll7aga 3ala a3sabek /teseebek melly el nass bet2ooloh".. i always think"whatever..that's what pissing me off..am trying to do what ur telling me and i can't do it, i know what am supposed to be doing am just in a bad mood and yes..i dont want to do anything about it right now.."

when am pissed off all i want from ppl is one of four things:
a- tell me a funny story
b-saying/lying-about how a strong person i am, and that ill go through whatever is bothering me as i couragely did before
c-they can simply say "did u lose wieght?/would u like some chocolate to cheer u up?"
d- just leave me alone will ya?



These mood swings HAVE to go away..i cant afford being misuderstood or being avoided everyday..i simply can't!

P.S: i feel much better now :)

Suicidal Phenomena

Have you ever noticed how ppl cross the street? how ppl walk around in general?

Ppl crossing the streets have developed such an apathetic attitude and a suicidal behaviour..they move very slowly, as if they are wishing they get hit by that car..as if they dont care, as if they are asking for it!They expect ppl driving the cars to care more about thier lives than themselves..

i caught myself once doing that! i remember it was a gloomy day, and i was tired exhausted and "mesh tay2a 7add w mesh tay2a nafsy" ..and i was actually going to get hit by a car..and i remember me saying to myself "yalla mesh mohem"..bass el7amdolellah..that survival instinct kicked in at the last minute :D
bass its very sad to see ppl crossing the streets that way..the sad part lies in 2 things:
the first part: ppl considering their lives to be so insignificant and so not-worth-living that they want to get hit by any chance of ending it..
the second: its a phenomena.

If u ask me, i think the reason is that the average egyptian person is going through hell..and he cant complain, and he cant change it..or atleast this is what he was made to think so

the average egyptian person is living below-the-average-standards of living..and the worst part: he is most probably going to stay in this status for the rest of his life..very depressing indeed..Hit Me!

The Same

Ur all the same...U all do the same tricks, U all play the same games ..U all think the same thoughts..U all have the same intensions..

traaa7'

a slap in the face is enoff to wake u up and look arnd and real-ize that this is real-ity..
its enoff to give up all dreams on hold and never regret it..
it teaches you that some ppl aint worth a second of your life or even a slightest emotion..

the difference between a slap in the face and a stab in the back is that in the former..u let ur self be slapped...actually you know ur going to be slapped in the face..and all u do is stand there and wait for it..and traaa7'!!ouch!

never blame anyone but urself for being slapped! U asked for it..

getting one slap in the face is enoff..is more than enoff..u have to spend the rest of ur life avoiding any upcomming ones..

wen kan lak 3and el kalb 7aga

ollo ya seedy..


The Following List is "The List Of Amsal Sha3bya "..The List is simply a small reference of el amsal..what i like about them is that they are funny,rhyme, true and somehow managed to survive one generation after another..I also believe that they do reflect a big part of our culture and the egyptian persona..
Ull probably notice that there is a repeatitive mentioning of food, animals and "bad luck" notion in the egyptian proverbs..coincedence? i Think Not!

Please If You find a masal not listed, add it!

wely yetlese3 mel sohrba yonfo7' fel zabady..

wel ar3a betebaha be sha3r o7'taha

el'7adeto el2ar3a kanet '7adeto om elsho3or

darbo el2a3war 3ala 3eno

ya ard enhady ma 3aleeky addy

deel el kalb 3omro mayt3del

zay el otat tako w tenker

ssa2 el habal 3a eshaytana

el mayya tekkadeb el 3'attas

ebn el wez 3awam

dary 3ala sham3tak te2eed

el ragel men 3'eer kersh zay el beet men 3'eer farsh :S



el erd fe 3een ommo 3'azal

aalo le fer3on esh far3anak allohom mal2tesh 7add yelemenny

abo balash kattar menno

ana warak wel zaman taweel

yana yanta fel beet dah :P

el 3een sabetny w rabb el 3arsh nagaany

el gobn sayed el a7'laa2

7'ayaren te3mel sharran tel2a

e3mel 7'eer w ermeh el ba7r

fokkak :P

eb3ed 3an el shar w 3'aneelo..

etlam el mat3oos 3ala 7'ayeb el ragah

yerga3 mel mooled bala 7ommos

elly ye7'aaf mel 3afreet yetl3alo

elly 3ala raso bat7a ye7ases 3aleeha

3ala add le7afak medd regleek

ya wa7'ed el erd 3ala malo..bokra yeroo7 el maal w yeb2a el erd 3ala 7alo

lesanak 7osanak en sonto sanak

gannah men 3'eer nass matendas

bab el naggar me7'alla3

maynoob el me7'allas ella ta2tee3 hodoomo

ya da7'el been el basala w eshretaha maynoobak 3'eer re7etaha

yenoobak sawab :P

gat el 7azeena tefra7 mal2atlahash matra7

elly enksar yettslaa7

elly e7'tasho maato

el ka7ka fe eed el yateem 3agaba

edrab el marboot ye7'af el sayeb

bal mal fas to2a3 fel rass

el faady ye3mel aady

ell shatra te3'zel be regl 7omar

elly zaker zaker men awel el sana :P

bellaha weshrab mayetaha

3omr el damm mayb2a mayya

e2leb el edra 3alla fommaha..tetla3 el bet lommaha

yam2mna lel regal..yam2na lel mayya fel 3'orbal

lagl el ward yense2y el 3olee2

el 3eyar elli maysebsh, yedwesh

yewadeeh el ba7r w yerag3o 3atshan

fatak noss 3omrak :P

mas7'am men setty ella seedy

elly may3rafsh ye2ool 3ads

kollo 3and el 3arab saboon

el ersh labyad yenfa3 fel yoom eleswed

aalo lel 7aramy e7lef aal galak el farag

galak el moot ya tarek el salah

barakah ya game3

7'ayero el berry 3ageloh :P

3al2a tefoot wala 7add yemoot

te3eesh w ta7'od 3'erha ya maan

yama gaab el 3'orab lommo

elbeto men 2ezaz may7defsh elnas betl toop

el ga3an yaakol el zalat

shoft be 3eeny ma7adesh ally :P

zay 3agayez el fara7 akl w na2wara

el batee7'a el ar3a lebbaha keteer

7add yela2y dala3 w mayddala3sh

yaba7't men bakkany w baka 3allaya wala da7akny w da77ak wl nass 3allaya

osr el kalam manfa3ah

ya ba7't man zaar w 7'afef

add el namla w te3mel 3amla

ye3mel mel 7abba obba

el kedb maloosh regleen

el 7aramy el shater maysra2sh men 7arto

7aga ma tehemmak wassy 3aleeha gooz ommak

eesh 3ala baal el erd 3'eer sawad eshow

gat tekka7alha 3amteha

ell eed elly ta7'od matedeesh

eed wa7da mats2fsh

wedn men teen w wedn men 3ageen

es2al abl matnaseb yabnlak el rady

el 3een baseera wel eed aseera

el 3een mat3laash 3an el 7ageb

3ala matetka7al el 3amsha

3een tefla2 el 7agar

koll foola w leeha kayyal

el kalam leek ya garah

kelma tegeebo w kelam tewadeeh

es2al meggarab wala tes2alsh 7akeem

elly 3ala raso bat7a..ye7ases 3aleeha

eesh ramak 3al morr..aal elly ammar menno

redeena bel hamm wel hamm maredy beena

koll elly ye3gebak welbes elly ye3geb el nass

mesh koll marra teslam el garrah

mesk el 7'etam..

gjOe in Moggama3 el Ta7reer: Part II

well, madam fat7ya is a typical Egyptian woman.She is veiled, a proud mother of 3 gurls ,a bit chuby, puts on lots of makeup for work, sotaha 3aaly, and betfally elly oddamaha men saso le raso! other than that she is sooo sweet..
madam fat7ya is a manager in an admin. where they help ppl who study travel abroad to get a degree.."be3thaat" and they manage ppl who are here to cope with the egyptian educational institute."wafedeen"
i went to meet madam fat7a as a step towards our graduation project where we want to interview some users of the program-to-be that we are developing.
Mainly it was a questionnare. It should have lasted for 30 to 45 mins but it stretched out to 3 hrs..
madam fat7ya did most of the talking .. the interview was formal but she went out of the topic sometimes..she explained in details the work flow and processes going there. and we Had to listen although what we needed was far more simpler than that.Anyways we had to thank her..

At the end of the first hour and a half, she had said it all..
we thanked her and were abt to leave when she remembered that she had to give us some papers or whatever..so we had to wait 3ala mal papers tetsawar..el mohem
we had to staaay and with no complaining. Then she started the real talking:
she told us that ppl who travel abroad to study never come back.
that if they came back, a million things would get in the way of him/her trying to make use of the degree.She gave us an example by saying if a guy returned with a PhD. Dr.s here would envy him and would try with all means to push him away.
She told us that the ppl working in public sector are not only tired but they feel oppressed by the system.
She told us "barra el zabbal zay elwazeer..law 3amalteelo 7aga ye2ollek ana leeya 7o2oo2y..laken hena el nass betet7'arag men kollyet tebb w to3od 3ala el raseef w mesh la2aya sho3'l".
"barra el bany2aadam 3'aly ya benty..maynfa3sh yeggarbo 3ala bany2admeen keda zay fe tebb 3andena.."
"el balad feeha fasad..law gom ersheen fe ayy edara..law etlafety hatl2eehom et7'do lel nass el kebeera.."
"el balad aow7ash 7aga feeha el fasad el edary..mafeesh dameer..w kollo rashawy w araf..w bey7sal balawy fel balad deh ya benty w 3eeny 3enak"
"ya3ny enty masaln awel lamma tet7'argy haddawry 3ala eh..mesh 3ala wasta? aady awel fasad fel mogtama3..3omr 7add hay2ollek ta3aly esht3'aly 3ashan kaf2tek? naader awy naader.."
"el balad deh mesh haysle7aha 3'eer 7aga wa7da bass..saowra..fakra ya benty fel taree7' lamma kano bey2olona ahdaf el sawroa aamet 3ashan yesheelo el 7agat el we7sha..aady koll el 7agat deh mawgooda delwa2ty w aktar"
"e7na dawla mot7'alefa..w hanfadal tool 3morana mot7'alfeen law fedelna netaty keda"

she even gave us advise(!):
"lazem teggawey wa7ed zoo markaz..3ashan ye3raf eddafa3 feeky kam 3ala matet3almy w tekbary ..ew3y ta7'dy wa7ed a2al mennek..wes2aleeny ana.."



she concluded by apologizing if she gave us a "black" version of egypt.
nothing she said was new or unheard of..but the way she said it gave me the impression that she deals with corruption everyday. it made me wonder how bad things really are?
and are we reaching the point of "it can only get better".. or there is still worse to come?
how am i going to survive all that in the future? how do ppl cope with that? and how many decided "el nass kollaha bet3mel keda" and went with the flow?

anyways..back to madam fat7ya..her words were an eye-opener on things that i have seen earlier but never gave it a name "ya 3eeny 3aleeky ya balad"..

gjOe in Moggama3 el Ta7reer:Part I

A huge building no doubt..full of history, dust, files, beuracracy and People!! When ever you need to extarct a paper or a document somehow in the dreadful lousy process u'll end up in moggama3 el ta7ereer...My encounter with moggama3 el ta7reer was not as dramatic as i thought it would be..although i did hear, see and smell biZZare things!
okay..my picture of moggama3 el ta7reer was all from Adel Emam's all-famous el erhab wel kabab..i thought that i would be going up in a spiral until i get to the office i want..and i thought that i would find a sucisidal person in the elevator and i thought i would find rice being handpicked on desks..and i thought i would find people leaving thier work and praying when there was no prayers to be done..and i thought i would find an unnoticable "wa7ed beynnadaf gezam" by the stairs..
to my dissapointment.. i have found none of that..

Reality :

i went there by 11..i found ppl having thier breakfast..
i found women fighting over nothing..
i found ppl sleeping on desks..
i found careless tired egyptian faces all over the place..
i found ppl not doing what they are supposed to do: work
i found an undescribable blend of smells..

the general attitude of ppl there: am not paid enoff to care..

i didnt expect nothing other than that really..but it was a first time encounter with the building..

The most interesting part though is still to come : madam fat7ya !

Im Walking Away

Ill walk away...
ill walk away and not look back
with no regrets, with no memories.Nothing but my learned lesson.
it's the right thing to do..and it was the rite thing to be done from the very start..
Days will go by and ill be proven wrong..and then more days will go by and ill be proven right..
i should have listened..i should have watched..i should have knew..but it doesn't matter..no regrets..There is nothing here for me to stay for. There is nothing worth waiting for. I've made up my mind and I have decided to walk away.As Far and As Away and As Fast As Possible.

no coming back and that's final..Ill walk away gladly, gracefully and with no harm done..
Ill walk away quietly,walking with one thought on my mind..I know I 'll survive this one too :)

Zihuatanejo

I wanna go There.Zihuatanejo.The land with no memory.It's not that i want to live there..Its just an idea..a concept..a symbol of a paradise-ish getaway..some place where no one knows you and no one is expecting any behaviour, attitude, or ever assignments from you.Zihuatanejo is just the place for me..for anybody i think.You may wonder how did i know of such a place.well, ull have to watch "The shawshank redemption".And you'll understand the symbolic meaning i give to the place.
Am so trapped in the box of everyday life and everyday problems and everyday routine and everyday same-old-same-old.I wanna go there!
I love beaches in general. Watching the sea makes me feel the Greatness of its Creator.Closing my eyes and listening to its roaring waves crushing on the shore makes me feel the Mightiness of its Creator. Let alone the Wideness of the sea..and how it meets with the sky at some faraway line called the horizon..And the breeeze!!The breeze is so relaxing and so refreshing..i think it is such a mood lifter just to feel the chilling-warm breeze by you skin.So gentle.So Comforting.

Freaky Friday!

2day was fe3lan fe3lan..yoom 3'areeb, unexpected, unplanned for, hectic, long, exausting..

2day i almost cried and i laffed out loud in the same minute..

2day ppl surprised me..they really did..el nass fedlo a3deen le7ad essa3a 8!

okay ill start from the beginning..

ennaharda ro7t el kollya..mal2tesh labs w mal2tesh datashow w mal2tesh participants..dah 3'eer tab3an enny abl mnzel men el beet el prez sa2altny 3ala el phone te2olly feen el moderators..
el mohem ya3ny ..kollo kan me2ale2 men 7ewar mafeesh particpants dah..
w fe3lan kan workshop feeha abt 6 participants..6 out of 40..

time for..IMPROVISING!!

and we did improvise alright..olna ne3mel merge w ne3mel debate between the 4 workshops..pretty risky and pretty amazing at the same time..lamma el nass betegamma3 keda feh situation wa7ed betbaan awy different personalities..w betbaan awy different types of ppl..and tab3an sooo many attention grabbers..some one shoot them..shoot them all!

and God el masryeen love to talk..ya3ny el mafrood el break yeb2a 3ala 3..its started @ 4 30..
kollo 3ayez yetkallem ba2a w kemmet el inconsistenecy..wel Improvising wel unplanning..


wel coffee break ba2a..makltesh feeh 7aga 7'ales..:( gabo taffet bateh w noss torta maslan..

bass bardo 3ala ra2y modertor: "ennaharda..no comment"fe3lan its true..e7na ettsarafa w 7'alas..and i think we did as best as we can..bedaleel enn kann feeh nass a3ada lel a7'er..
bass bardo kan feeh nass keteer meshyet..bass bardo u can never satistfy koll el nss..
el mohem ya3ny it turned out okay fel a7'er el 7amdollelah..

aktar 7aga day2etny ba2a the guy ely a3ad mestany ya 3eeny for like 4 hrs 3ashan ye2ool el kelmteen elly 3ando..
i didnt even aplogize..i was too embaressed menno w men el mawkef..bass begad makansh yenfa3 a3mel ayy 7aga.. 7asal 7'eer :D

bass el moderators essara7a ya3ny need fel3an a million thanks ..we2fo wa2fet reggala..w kan feeh radd fe3l saree3 w nadafet dema3' and surprisingly ..almost no complaining!
and they controlled the participants smoothely and the participants looked up to them..el7amdolellah fe3lan..things could have been much more worse..

the good thing was el debate zat nafsaha..fe3lan ma3arfsh leeh 7aseet la2 el balad kwyesa ya3ny..
and i decided to stay..
ill stay here! Egypt..
ill stay here! Home..

Ill keep this friday here blogged for the record..